Think about what it would mean to be genuinely excited to come home to the person you married. To enjoy their company, to feel wanted, to have someone with whom you can speak freely, dream boldly and laugh at the things nobody else quite understands.
And imagine knowing that they feel the same about you.
That is worth pursuing with everything you have. Whatever success you create in the world, this is the person with whom you are building your most intimate life. Your marriage deserves your imagination, your passion and the best of what you can become.
In other things that matter to us, we understand this. When the desire is strong enough, we try things. Some things don't work. We continue to look, we continue to seek answers, we continue to experiment. There are things we can change, things we can improve, things we can do differently. We keep going because what we are pursuing is valuable to us.
I want us to bring that same spirit into marriage. To see how good it can become, and to be willing to grow into the people who can create it.
Begin with a question you can ask your spouse today:
“When have you felt particularly loved by me, and what was I doing?”
Give them time to answer. Ask about an actual occasion. You may discover that the thing they treasure is something you barely remember doing, or that an effort you considered small reached them more deeply than something that cost you a great deal.
Stay interested in the answer. You are learning about the person you love, and what you learn should change what you do next.
This guide will help you turn that understanding into a better life together. We will work through affection, pleasure, a point of friction, and the ambitions you each want to pursue. You will see a complete example of a busy couple making real choices, then create a short plan for your own next seven days.
You will finish with something you can give, something you can change in yourself, something to enjoy together, and a way to discover whether your efforts are reaching one another.
Also included below: a one-page illustrated map of the whole guide, so you can see how the ideas fit together and choose what to put into practice with your spouse.
Become a paid subscriber to use the complete guide and the accompanying conversation pages with your spouse.
